thatgirlinguard

Bekah

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Avalanche by thatgirlinguard, literature

Literature

Avalanche

An explosion of old feelings An avanlanche of past emotions There’s a rainstorm I’ve been running from, But it’s finally catching up I tried to put the past behind me Forget your touch and the way you hurt me Then you come back for one whirlwind moment Bringing with you my love and another goodbye And I don’t know why I keep coming back You never change but I still give it a chance Once again you say it’s the end Do you mean it this time? I should mean it this time.

Biography by thatgirlinguard, literature

Literature

Biography

Scars lace my body Ghostly white memories of things I would rather forget Making the emotional physical is not always productive I am not quite living proof of that Harsh red stinging lines remind me that I am not worth the help I have received I do not try hard enough Raised skin rubs against harsh cloth A constant painful reminder of my biggest mistake When will I go too far? Will I be able to stop before I reach that point? Sticky liquid life flows freely from my marked body When will it be enough? Just enough to feel has become too much Anything to feel alive Anything to feel real More marks are made each day Like entries

Typical by thatgirlinguard, literature

Literature

Typical

A boy A girl It’s your typical story of teenage attraction It all seems right until you look below the surface of your mind Where did we go wrong this time? I thought that I had finally found someone to show me fairytales can happen Why must you be like every other one before you? Telling me there is nothing I can do to lose you I see your lies now that the cloud of assumed perfection has lifted I remember now the lesson I have learned many times before I never see the fatal flaws until they’re heading out my door So take away from me this clouded judgment Let my eyes no longer shine with the reflection of your light tha

The Feeling of Feeling Nothing by thatgirlinguard, literature

Literature

The Feeling of Feeling Nothing

It’s the feeling of wanting to scream and having no sound come out So you do the next best thing Opening your skin and letting the scream pour out of you in bright red clarity It’s the feeling of drowning and having no way to breathe So you breathe through holes you make in your own body But it’s never enough Nothing can release this building tension And nothing feels real anymore Except for the pain I inflict on my skin I can watch myself and hope I make the right choices But I never do And my control is slipping from my feeble grasp I lose my will to try more and more each day And nothing matters anymore

Worth it? by thatgirlinguard, literature

Literature

Worth it?

Bowing down to this porcelain figure that promises perfection I pour into you all of my hopes All of my fears Hoping that in return you will give me strength Do you see the sacrifices I make for you? Violently emptying myself in hopes that you will fill me with something worth while But you take everything I give you, draining from me all life In return all I get is more pain And the promise that next time it will be worth it But it never is

One Night by thatgirlinguard, literature

Just Be by thatgirlinguard, literature

Restlessness by thatgirlinguard, literature

Literature

Restlessness

Restlessness Withering worms crawling around beneath my skin Itching and fighting to get out I claw at my arms trying to free the poison flowing in my veins Pacing Wearing a hole in the floor as I spend hours walking to nowhere Then suddenly I stop All motion in the room ceases I curl up in the corner Shrink into myself And begin rocking Back And forth And back And forth As the poison continues to course through me

Nothing by thatgirlinguard, literature

Literature

Nothing

Fill me up with yourself so I can feel I will drink my happiness through your lips Though they taste of bittersweet regret This is a night to be remembered Though it is like many others I will soon forget Tonight there is only you Tomorrow will be someone new and no one has to know This is the only thing that makes me feel alive Searching for love where there is none to be found There is only a meaningless moment of intimacy Nothing important, nothing to brag about To you I am just another body To me you are just another face Nothing ever comes of this So what is it that keeps me trying? Hoping that I’ll be remembered Hop

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The Sounds of Normality by thatgirlinguard, literature

Literature

The Sounds of Normality

The Sounds of Normality In the room next door I can hear my little brothers' laughter as they play some video game or another. Upstairs I can hear my Mother and Step-Dad talking while Mom makes dinner. I sit here in my room staring blankly at the light blue walls as light streams in from the windows. Cloths are strewn all over my floor along with my back-pack and a few binders. A drawer is opened revealing make up and there are shoes piled up in a corner. My gaze then returns to the desk that holds my computer. There on my desk is the only sign that all as is not right, that all is not as it appears. Sitting in front of me there is a small

It all comes down to you by thatgirlinguard, literature

Literature

It all comes down to you

I try to be strong I put up walls to keep my feelings in Though I may not always seem to hide what I'm feeling, I hide it more then you would ever know On the inside I'm just a scared little girl Scared of losing her father Scared because she already has So I cling on to any guy I can find To any guy who shows me kindness I just want someone strong to protect me I just want someones strong arms around me Right now when I'm at my weakest I need that more then anything But I will never have that You may be there for me, but you are not here Your words help But words are never enough That's why I stayed with him He may not always

Even a Plastic Rose Has Thorns by thatgirlinguard, literature

Literature

Even a Plastic Rose Has Thorns

Even a plastic rose has thorns, Even a faked love can hurt in the end, Reality can be deciving And the truth can hurt more then the lies you are fed I wanted to believe it was real So I readily accepted your lies, I readily accepted mine Anything to keep me happy Anything to keep you here So you may ask me, was it all just a sham? No, no Not in the begining For how could I fake something like my smile the first time you kissed me? But you did not trust me You began to doubt that my feelings were true How could I stay with you when you didn't trust me? Don't make him part of this I would tell you Don't make him drive us apart

Red Silk by thatgirlinguard, literature

Literature

Red Silk

Red silk wrapped around her leg, A ribbon reminder of the mistakes that she has made, No one must know of this most unforgiving sin, Her darkest secret that she hides upon her skin 'Cuz they wouldn't understand, No they couldn't understand No they wouldn't even try, No they never ever know what to say It's the perfect secret It's the truest lie Don't want to believe it So they just let her run and hide Every day is a constant fight No one must know what she does at night She's getting tired getting closer to the edge Scared to show it and terrified of how this will end But they wouldn't understand, No they couldn't understand

Nothing Wrong by thatgirlinguard, literature

Literature

Nothing Wrong

I find nothing out of place about me dragging this blade across my wrist I see nothing wrong with that I do not shirk back from the pain In truth I don't feel any pain This is an everyday occurrence These self inflicted injuries Tell me I'm insane Tell me I need help This has become so common place that no longer means anything Hidden razors and rags soaked in blood Long sleeves when it's hot out and bracelets a bound This is who I am now, can you accept that? These are as much a part of my life as my closest friends Accept me for I am Accept this as who I am This is something I can not change Can not let go of Will not let g

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One Step by thatgirlinguard, literature

Literature

One Step

The sky is the perfect shade of blue this morning. It is the blue of summer days with no commitments, the crystal clear blue of winter the day after a big snow storm, when the world is quiet and calm. Someone once told me that the blue of my eyes was brighter then the sky could ever be, but I have not heard that in awhile. Though as I am standing here on the edge of a cliff, staring up at the shockingly bright blue sky, I can almost hear those words, as if he was standing here whispering in my ear. Soon, I tell myself as I step closer to the edge of the cliff. Soon I will see his chocolate brown eyes and feel his warm arms around me, protecti